Monthly Archive for May, 2002

griffin 302 here we come

my earlier thoughts notwithstanding, today was a beautiful day. you might recall earlier that my draw group got a 1320 for next year’s housing draw. well, miraculously, we got into our first choice–suites. and the miracles don’t stop there–at in-house draw tonight we pulled Griffin 302–a sweet corner room overlooking the golf course, the volleyball courts, and lake lag. we checked out the room after the draw and talked to the guys who are living there this year. they were quite friendly, as well as quite high, but we got out of them that their draw number last year was around 400. and we snagged their room at almost 1000 higher.

dan and i agree that this calls for a celebratory cigar.

just think–no more dining halls and coed bathrooms. and, somebody wake me up, open kitchen!!!!.

needless to say, tonight has gone a long way towards fixing problem #4.

virtual disc on spin: musicforthemorningafter | pete yorn

95 theses (i.e. ways i suck)

i’ve been thinking recently about all the things that are wrong with me. well, that’s not precisely true–i couldn’t possibly think about all of them at once. so i’ve been thinking about a number of them.

and the more i think about them, the more they really piss me off. some of them are simply dumb habits that elude breaking. some of them are so petty i’m glad i hide them behind my veneer of cynicism. or do i? i’m sure they show through to those people who are discerning about such things.

so now, without further ado, My Problems [the short list, in no particular order]:

  1. laziness. where does the time go? half of it i don’t even remember what i did in the last hour, except for the fact that it wasn’t productive. if i weren’t in the midst of the easiest quarter i’ll ever have, i would be screwed. and i will be if i don’t realize that sitting in front of my computer looking at my desktop picture is dangerously close to omega level.
  2. cynicism. somewhere in the last year i decided that i never wanted to be disappointed again. so i lowered my expectations of myself, god, and the world. the [utterly unfounded] fear of god failing me, especially, sent me down that dark road.
  3. sarcasm. not to be confused with cynicism, this isn’t so much about worldview as it is about relationships. i hurt people with my unthinking sarcasm, and that sucks.
  4. lack of faith. if i look at my actions, instead of what i tell myself, it becomes apparent that i don’t really believe that god has things under control, or that he really is good and wants the best for me.
  5. arrogance. i look down on other people for the stupidest reasons.
  6. insecurity. strange that it exists in such an equal proportion to arrogance… i’m always afraid that people don’t think i’m cool, or that i really don’t belong at stanford, or in the philosophy program. and instead of just pushing these fears away i let them lead me to others, like fears that [god forbid] i don’t know what i’m doing in life, and that i’m not doing anything important.
  7. deconstructionism. cynicism, lack of faith, my major, and stanford in general have given me the crappiest deconstructionist attitude about everything. i always have to make some smart comment that’s purely argumentative. because this is what is popular.
  8. then there’s those other things which i won’t mention. a little bit deadly, that’s all.

at this point someone would probably say that i’m being negatively one-sided. after all, what good is a laundry list of sins and faults? isn’t that what jesus came to abolish? yes, of course. and self-deprecation is too obviously trendy.

still, i can’t help but sigh longingly in anticipation of a time when above problems will no longer belong to me. i can’t wait to get my head up out of this cesspool. and, i don’t think it’s wrong to try to get there as soon as possible: my destination is the stars, and my legs can’t jump that far, but that doesn’t mean i shouldn’t exercise in preparation for the day when they can.

also, believe it or not, many of these problems only recently came to my attention. and what better way to deal with them than to shove them into the glaring light and the clean air, away from the dark, mucky corners of my heart where they thrive?

disc on spin: oh, inverted world | the shins

alpha levels: not check!

i think it’s definitely wrong that i would consider reading other peoples’ blogs of higher priority than doing any of my cascade of makeup work.

in other news, come to my show a week from today!

my spacecoaster rocks kant’s behind

going to florida for 5 days a week and a half before finals was not a good idea. i don’t think i could be any less motivated to finish strongly. luckily for me, i’m having the easiest quarter of my stanford career, and maybe that will let me slide by without too much trouble.

orlando was sweet. i got in thursday morning at 6am. i was a little tired but i didn’t want to go to bed until that night or the jet lag would suck all weekend, so i went running. i hung out with chris nyffeler for a good bit, because he left friday morning for japan.

anyway there’s no use in just logging my days. here were some of the highlights: my brother’s graduation, hanging out with friends every day, seeing family, going rock climbing, and going to a my spacecoaster concert. the concert rocked so hard–it was a tiny little club, and probably no more than 15 or 20 people came to the show. so i was right up there with the band rocking out and screaming with john lamonica. a bunch of my friends came to the show with us, and we all hung out with the band beforehand. they’re thinking of coming to san francisco to play a show or two, and i hope they do.

i’m still waiting to hear on a job i applied for a week ago. it’s a web design job for a medical lab at stanford. i think the news on the job will be the deciding factor of whether i stay in california over the summer or not. surprisingly, i’m entirely ambivalent. being home made me realize what i would be missing out on if i never went back to florida over the summer. balance this with the cool prospect of living on my own in an apartment in california, and you can see why i wouldn’t care either way.

i’m at work now, so i should probably procrastinate by doing something more productive, like reading some of the 250 pages of kant i have left. if you’ve never read kant….well, pity me anyway.

disc on spin: music for the morning after | pete yorn

awesomeness masquerading as humility

the pedro show was completely awesome. david bazan. what a beautiful, broken man.

i’m leaving for home in a few hours. my brother is graduating high school. i’m there through memorial day, and it will be a good break from school.

date night

i had a wonderful night. my crusade bible study had a date night, and each of us found an extremely beautiful and enchanting lady to spend the evening with (i had the honor of taking the lovely erin spokes). we went to dinner and ice skating. i ice-skated once before in my life, in the galleria in dallas, when i wasn’t any older than 10. so it was great fun, and i think give me a few more times out and i’ll be doing quadruple axels and whatever else.

until later, this is uncle caveman, signing off.

song on spin: “you” | switchfoot

miracle

my goodness. i just heard thunder outside. do you understand what this means? it’s the first time i’ve heard thunder at this school since…september. glorious!

a cry for love

also, just so you know, it is still ok to leave comments. i’m getting lonely.

life happens between movies

it might be sad, but the bookends of my last few days were movies: on the one hand, star wars episode 2, and on the other, a significantly lower-quality movie called orange county.

i saw the new star wars movie at 12:01am wednesday night–the first showing on the west coast. it was at one of those mega-plex 45-theatre compound things, so the lines were amazing. one of our group had been there since 2pm, however, braving the crowds, so we walked right to the front of the line at 10:15pm, carrying in ‘n out burgers for our diehard compatriots. it was an event–a lot of dressed up people as you’d expect, and we were even interviewed the stanford daily newspaper, and made it in two days later (our whole ancient greek class was there, so it was a novelty).

i really liked the movie. with star wars i am very willing to lay down any high-minded notion of filmmaking and just sit in childlike awe of pretty colors, flashy scenes, and cool spaceships. so it was a bonus for me that episode 2 was so much better than that–a deepening, brooding, and more mysterious plot beginning to surface, a cheesy yet honest and sincere love story, sweet battle scenes, and of course yoda kicking ass. i was also happy of the knowledge that ep2 added to the ‘expanded universe’.

i went and saw it again thursday night, because one of my friends who had a ticket couldn’t go and he gave it to me for free.

friday i skipped all my classes because i was sick and couldn’t talk more than a whisper (something to do with my throat i guess). i read berkeley’s principles of human something-or-other. a good read, but sleepy after 20 pages. dan left friday for yosemite, to go climbing all weekend, so i had the room to myself. i played computer games, did homework, and watched half of blackhawk down.

saturday i did something new–i woke up early (11:45am) and went to the IM fields to play softball for our crusade softball team. i’d never played before, but it was quite fun. i actually batted 1000 and scored a number of runs. if you’d asked me before, i would have sworn i hated the game. but i guess that’s what happens when i judge something before i experience it. that night a bunch of people went into the city to watch our friend serena play her first live gig in the city, at a cafe/art gallery. it was a neat place, cool atmosphere, and she did a great job. then everyone dragged me (and some other guys) to a swing club, where we capped the night looking like fools on a waxed wood floor amidst a bunch of hardcore swingers.

today it rained, and i felt like it looked outside–grey and monotone. i can’t even remember what i did after church. i went and saw orange county at flicks–it’s a movie about a kid from o.c. who wants to get into stanford but doesn’t, because of his retarded college counselor’s mix-up, and he goes to stanford to try to get in. it was funny because nothing was ever filmed at stanford. so all the scenes at “stanford” were shot at night at some other college, which looked very little like stanford. i wonder how many people will end up thinking that actually was stanford. the story itself was not too bad, and it was humorous at times. but not really worth noting, all told.

i’m going home on wednesday for memorial weekend. i can’t wait to see my friends and family.

virtual disc on spin: my spacecoaster | my spacecoaster

but i don’t feel like going into it

well it’s been a great past few days. the crusade retreat was lots of fun–great times of sincere worship, productive times of planning for next year, refreshing times of napsdevotionals, energizing times of playing various sports in the bright danville sun, and relaxing times of sitting in the hot tub.

unfortunately all the sun, while it gave me a nice tan, also gave me a few cold sores, especially since there was no grape juice to be had all weekend. cold sores always bring out the masochistic side of me. no more on that.

in other news, su.market has found me a buyer for my old computer system and some other things i was selling. i heart su.market. also, i beat jedi knight 2. a very excellent computer game on all accounts. what else is going on….our bible study is having a date night sometime soon so i need to think of a girl to ask.

also, i’m going to see star wars episode 2 tomorrow night at 12:01am–opening show at the very large cinema complex in san jose. it should be awesome–there will be a ton of superfans there, and i will bring a little light-up lightsaber keychain i have in order to fit in.

jars of clay is playing right now, roughly 10 minutes from where i’m sitting, but i can’t go because i’m working. ah well. c’est la vie and all that crap, but i don’t feel like going into it.

virtual disc on spin: i break chairs | damien jurado